Late nights, drugs and inner demons

I’ve realized

the drugs have stopped working

Not completely as some nights
I’m swept away with nothingness,
no recollection of how
I ended up with a pill bottle in my bed

Except now I’m forced to face the demons that dwell in my head

As their voices get louder
when the sun goes down
Or maybe the nightfall
is when I welcome them in

Sadness is my illness yet also my cure
I cannot fathom why I keep opening that door

I know there’s a solution
yet I don’t ask for more
I’m content with their company
I welcome their words
As they write these stories
They help fill the blurs

The blurs of nothingness and emptiness

For I’d rather be sad than feel nothing at all

I’d rather them here than be lonely awaiting your call

In the depth of the night
when I can’t reach your warmth
I close my eyes and let them come forth

Bad company is better than no company to me

I know that sounds self destructive,
but can’t you see

I’m a self destructive machine

awaiting the end zone
You know this,
I know this – it’s never been gone
The loneliness and my demons
are always beside me

Something you’re not,
but it’s something you see

I’m content by myself, as I’m alone
but with them I am not lonely

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