You’ve Become Home

I almost cried last night.
This time was different.
This time out of happiness.

We sat on the floor drinking whiskey and sang songs from our childhood.
I was comfortable,
and you could tell
when you started to get close
– my nerves started again.

You kissed me
and asked why I was nervous.
You could tell the difference in the way I pressed my lips against yours that my heart was beating out of my chest.

I fall further each time I see you.

A part of me believes you were only this way because you were drinking,
but the rest of me holds on to the fact that you held my hand
and showed me your favourite songs.

You reassured me it wasn’t just the whiskey that made you want me.

This is enough.
This is why I hold onto you.
Something in my body longs for you after I leave.

Which means something, right?

Even if this is all I get from you,
certain nights out of the blue
to come lay with you
Almost as if things haven’t changed

I almost cried because
I held you in my arms, in the dark.
You complained about work.
You complained about your hair.

You didn’t complain about having me there.

It reminded me of that first night we had spent together in the summer

My heart was reopened, just for you.

Which is terrifying because it’s reassuring me that I have fallen for you.
We laughed
about how we weren’t with anyone else,
then held each other on the floor

You make me so god damn happy and sad that I not need look anywhere else.

For you have filled my heart
with joy and sorrow which is something I’ve not felt in a while.
You filled the emptiness with light again.

I regret seeing you
because it’s that much harder to let go when I fall in love over again.

But this time, I don’t want to let go

I don’t care if this is it.
I don’t care if you go.
Because now I know that this..
This is what fills my heart when I can’t feel at all.

You’re the house that holds my heart and all I ever wanted to do was come home. 


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