October 18th / The Day I Admitted It

Something about her made me uneasy,
but that same feeling drew me closer.  

I’ve always been drawn to danger,
to ‘complicated’.
It’s always been my downfall
but it’s what keeps me alive.

I feel high when I’m with her
and it’s not just the drugs I’m on.
That’s how I know I’m in too deep.
She was my getaway,
My go to
But how am I supposed to go to you
When it’s an issue between us two.

I know I don’t deal with emotions properly.

You must now realize
that when I run to you for my problems I will run from ours.
Not in just a metaphorical sense,
you now know it’s sometimes literal.

I’m willing to give you space,
because after all
I’ve done this before.
I’ve waited and I’ll wait again.

I’ve tried so hard in the past
to move on and even now I’m trying.

Nothing feels right,
I don’t want to hear their laugh..
or see their smile.
I want you curled up in my arms
as you complain about work
or how greasy your hair is.

I want to kiss your still lips,
caress your face..
I want to run my fingers along your body until you close your eyes and rest your head against my chest.

I keep thinking
About that first night
That I spent with you in July,
I laughed in your face when you said it because I thought you were crazy.

Over and over, I hear you say…

“You’re going to fall in love with me”.

I thought to myself this girl is nuts,
yet here I am,
fall has started
and the leaves are falling
and each night still plays in my head.

– I don’t want to say it because those words are a little much, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t feel close.

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